Today I'm a little hateful. I know that hate is a strong word, but, on my honor, I swear I'm not hating people, or even actions really, just situations and things (and stuff and junk). For instance, I hate that this grogginess will not leave my head, no matter how positive I am about a good day, no matter how much healthy tea I drink, no matter how much I wish (hope, pray, do a mythical rain dance for, etc.) I was back in bed sleeping peacefully with my dog and husband (oops, I think I'm supposed to put the one I love more before the other, or maybe that's what I did (*wink*), just kidding....kinda). I am hateful of the stack of dishes that seems to follow me from home to work (staring at me with it's googly plate/cup/bowl eyes) and the stack of laundry that isn't far behind. I am hateful of the insecurity that plagues my morning routine, of knowing the strength that insecurity will gain when I arrive at my office filled with marathon running, rock climbing, eating lentils and kale everyday (sweet, thoughtful, encouraging) co-workers. Most of all, I am hateful of all the little things that seem insignificant that I would love to obliterate from my list, my ever growing (festering seems like a better word) list of to-dos, will-dos, don't dos, don't want to dos. 8 million, no, 800 million little things to hate, to loathe, to detest, to scorn, to stomp on, scream at, sneer at, pout at, kick, punch, and karate chop all ninja style with the furry of a thousand blazing little hateful dagger filled suns while yelling indiscriminate things posing as witty repartee...at.
See? It's a problem right? Its not just in my head, oh wait, yes it is, and THAT is the problem right? Its all in my head, which, biologically speaking, is nothing more than slimy, pinkish/whitish tinged coils shoved into my skull sending tiny electrical signals and releasing chemicals and hormones and other sciencey, fancy doing stuff, stuff. BUT to me (cause that what you really want to know right? oh... you don't? well...to bad) it is like a constant elementary school game of red rover when your 1st grade class is playing against the far bigger, far stronger 5th graders and you just keep sending over kid after kid after kid and one by one BAM! each of those kids is close lined, knocked to the ground, birds and stars adorning their vision unable to regain their reasoning behind participating in this ludicrous game (seriously people there is a reason why schools won't allow it to be played anymore, its brutal, I believe in my day there were broken bones and concussions involved), and that ladies and gentlemen is what it feels like to be a thought in my head. It's a pretty picture huh?
So maybe I should see a therapist (*scoff*), or maybe an exorcist (*giggle*), or maybe, just maybe I should buy a million dollars worth of chocolate pudding and fill an Olympic sized pool with it an swim around all day, wait, that wasn't relevant (or was it...). I don't know, maybe its the pessimist in me that daily beats up the optimist nerd and takes his lunch money(I'm thinking about buying the optimist a gym membership, he really needs to bulk up) or maybe its just the fact that I take things way to seriously, or maybe I just need to shut up. What I do know is that being a little hateful can ruin your day, even when its only 10am, and that my friends is no fun, because this day barely had a chance, I mean it is Monday and we all know that this guarantees an automatic day fail, but the hatefulness, that just makes it worse and I've got to find a way to fix that, or channel it, or...something. I'm open to suggestions.
As long as they don't involve snakes. Or tomatoes.
You have to draw the line somewhere.
(You might not realize this but I am actually kind of normal. I swear.)
Happy Monday!
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