This letter is being written to address my grave concern over your very existence. I tire greatly of your incessant need for me to be awake. The selfish and arrogant way in which you maintain your very presence is so offensive to the senses that it makes me want to retch. Though you may continue to exist I ask you most fervently to cease your consistent prodding and poking of me to enter and experience that existence with you. It is not necessary, nor is it wanted. In fact, no one, in the history of the world before or after the birth or death of any believed deity has ever or will ever want to join you in your heinous and ridiculous existence. You are a stain on the idea of time, a skid mark, left to remind us of terrible memories and rob us of precious life continuing rest and relaxation. There is nothing desirable about you, not the darkness, not the quiet, not the solitude. The putrid, rotting corpse that you call your “self” is in fact, nothing more than an unholy bag of dung that not even the beetle bearing the very name proclaiming love for such would dare walk upon you.
Even those who came into this world at the farce that you call an “hour” shower you with curses and insults. Echoes of their mother’s screams of pain and anguish are your only reward and they, brave souls, are proof indeed that great things can come from the tragedy that is you. If you were to vanish from the earth, we would not lose and hour, but rather, gain freedom from your odious actuality.
If this constant interruption and continued reminder of your universal habitation continue let me be frank, the consequences will be most uncomfortable and likely dire for you and all of your offending counterparts. For you, good sir, are a puss covered, maggot infested donkey bunghole and if you remain I will see to it that myself and all of my brethren will find you. When we find you we will tie you down, tar and feather you, and toss you into the nearest bog of eternal stench. There you will stay to worsen the smell and offend the senses and indeed the very being of those who dare to act as brazenly and abusively as you.
The woman who wishes every type of torture and ill upon you.